A friend of mine is trying to get back into the darting world. He’s signed up for one of those online services that allow people to build a profile and post some pictures. The fun part is watching him get nervous wondering if someone is going to “like” him or if they are just going to pass him by. But along the way he found a profile of a woman who he likes, but is slightly intimidated by. Her profile fits him nicely, or at least what he thinks he wants. But then she asks her potential suitors to answer the following question :
You meet a girl for the first time and you’re very into her. How do you show that when you touch her? Are you 1) tender, 2) gentle, 3) firm, 4) rough, 5) savage, or 6) brutal. You can only pick one. Don’t choose what you think I want you to, because you’ll likely be wrong. How about on the fifth time?
I love this question! My first reaction was to think about how you would physically touch someone during that first meeting. My answer was firm, because the last two just make me shiver with the notion someone would have thought about my daughter. I want someone to know they are being touched, that it wasn’t just some random mistake from an over-crowded room or my clumsy nature. I dated a girl in college and her mother was a big time hugger. Right up on top of you as you walked through the door. At the time I was still frat boy built and weighed 210 at over 6 feet tall. Bigger guy! She told my date later that “When Lary hugs you, you know it!” She didn’t mean I was rough, just I swallowed her whole in my embrace.
But then it hit me, I might be looking at this question the wrong way. What if she wanted to know how you were going to touch her on an emotional level? You could say something sweet and sensitive about her or you could say something completely inappropriate and never get that chance to get to the “Fifth time”.
This question is so thought provoking you can see that even I want to answer her question just hoping that I might get some type of reply. Something that lets me know what her intent was. My friend was confused as to what he should write. I truly think he likes this woman, but is afraid. People tend to be that way once they get burned. Might be the exact reason why she is trying to weed out guys who are just looking for something she isn’t going to give them. She also might be coming from that position of having kissed her number of frogs and wants something different.
Communication can come in so many ways. This silly question on a dating site has turned into several conversations between me and my friend. I in turn am writing this because I’m fascinated with the question itself, the two paths someone might take in replying to it. Somewhere there is a guy who hopefully is finding it within himself to answer this young lady’s posting and they might find happiness together.
Words are funny things. So many meanings and trying to understand them can be a daunting task. 43 years on this earth and I am still learning what needs to be done to express myself in a clear manner. One that doesn’t confuse a situation, some method for letting the world around me comprehend the craziness that jumbles around my brain. There are days when I hopefully succeed, but I know there are days when I just don’t.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Style Icon.”
Random Brain Musings 
Don’t touch the girl on the first date…….and you’re right…Everyday is a new day to learn somethings up!
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Tell him in every case to just answer truthfully!! If he doesn’t, he’s either going to end up with someone he is not really a good match with and/or having to pretend to be something he isn’t. If he is truthful, he’ll get what he is there for–a match with someone who fits! I have found that answering these questions really helped me to clarify who I was at the moment. Some of my answers surprised me, when I was really honest. Others led me to realize how I had changed. If I go back to questions I answered 5 years ago, I sometimes change my answers because I no longer feel the way I felt back then. Don’t try to second-guess your replies. Just truthfully convey who you are. Okay…lecture over!! Just thought you might like a woman’s input, albeit a woman a good deal older than the girl he is interested in, probably…
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In his case he misses his wife so much he will probably do nothing. I met him through a cancer support group and he just needs more time to process everything. I shouldn’t joke about how he cried while filling out his profile, but even he sees the irony of missing a part of himself while looking at potential mates.
He’s in his late 30’s and looking at the same. I feel old sometimes listening to him.
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PS. I just got a scathing comment from someone whose blogs I read and commented upon. He was furious because I’d commented and not followed him..He is rather nonforgiving about this and so it made me realize that although I’ve often read your blog and “liked” and commented, that I’ve never hit the “follow” button. Luckily, you seem not to be as hung up on this as he is. I have people who read me every day who are not following and I never much notice those details, being caught up in what is written and what I’m writing and liking more than hitting the follow button…But, fresh from his rebuke, I’m trying to notice more and therefore, it’s now official!!
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I tend to read but not hit any buttons, no comments or “likes”. It’s like a breadcrumb trail of where I have been?!! There are days when I wonder why anyone reads something I post, I never look at the Stats page, seems silly to me. I write solely to help me deal with my pain and dealing with my own loss and however this cancer plays out in the end. To the guy giving you grief over not patting him on the back, I feel sorry he feels the need for validation. Take care, Lary
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