Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah?!!

[Daily Prompt]
Trick or Trick

It’s 8:45 and the bowl of candy next to the door is empty. The 30 full sized bars had been swept up much faster than I thought. How many kids are in this neighborhood? Maybe they brought friends this year and I miscalculated. I should turn out the front light so that the universal sign for “I’m done with Halloween” is recognized and there will be no further knocks at the door.
Damn it, just as I get to the switch the doorbell chimes. I can see four kids dressed up standing on my porch with the bags in hand. A ghost, SpongeBob, what I think is an attempt at a lady bug, and behind them towering over the others, The Grim Reaper.
“I’m so sorry, I ran out of candy.”
“But your lights are on, are you sure you aren’t just hiding the last for yourself?”
“Excellent question, but not this year. Maybe I can find some candy in the pantry? How do you feel about chocolate covered granola bars?”
“You’ve got to be kidding us! How about you just tell us what trick we can play and then we’ll be gone!”
I had to think that one over. I’d prefer not having something that was going to force me to clean the outside of the house or yard. Maybe I could just let them each punch me in the arm and be on their way? Too easy, and the big one might actually hurt me in the process! “Ah, you four pick a sing and I will stand out int he front yard and sing.” [not only torturing myself but my neighbors as well]
They huddle for a minute and come back to me, “we pick Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley!!!”
What the hell? How did a bunch of kids know that song? Why would you pick something like that? Maybe I thought they would go Justin Timberlake or on the other scale Justin Beiber. But that is one of the most depressing songs ever written. That’s when I notice the weird smile on the lady bug, really odd. Like Pennywise the Clown in Stephen King’s It.
“Can you pick something else, anything else?”
“No, that’s the price you pay for not having enough candy!”
So out onto the porch I amble, a crowd of people now wondering why the kids are giggling and the parents wondering what was about to happen. It takes me a little bit to remember the tune. The chorus is easy, the rest is not.

Baby I’ve been here before
I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor (you know)
I used to live alone before I knew you
And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Each pained note straining to get out from my throat.  People just staring back at me while my heart is being ripped from my chest.  Tears streaming down my cheeks and I finally get out that last Hallelujah.  I’m shaking, the life has just been dragged out of me and I’m left an empty shell.  Alone with my thoughts as the kids slowly head down the driveway and into the darkness of the night, I shut the door behind me and collapse on the floor.

It’s then that I realize what scares me the most, me!  My broken heart.

For those who don’t know the song –


Mask Off – Harvey Dent/ Two Face

Masks Off

There is a serene quality to being able to decide if something is just right or if it may be wrong.  You have no little room for ambiguity, no room for true doubt, no room for even admitting you might be wrong.  Harvey Dent is the guy i would go with if I were choosing my mask for Halloween.  That’s how life has been lately.

You flip and coin, heads or tails, right of wrong, turn left or right; simple!  The beginning of this character was simple, he was trying to do the correct thing for the city of Gotham.  He thought that is he stuck to a higher moral code, no one would be able to assail him for his choices.  Only after he was attacked for standing up to what he thought to be the wrong idea, wrong person, wrong path; he was scarred in such a manner as to being out both the moral person and the immoral beast.  Acting out because he believed in absolutes, even in places where there were obvious choices.  Places he could have gone that would have allowed for compromise, healing, a sense of self and well-being.

Yes, it might be an oversimplified version of a cartoon/comic book character, but each of these themes is something people recognize in life on a daily basis.  We try to teach child how to chose the proper moral path, instill a sense of ethics in how we deal with others.  The world is a multitude of shades of grey, yet this guy only sees two paths.  It gets him caught in situations where he shouldn’t be.  Eventually lands him in trouble for his perceived notions of morality.

This is the guy who I feel like.  Some days I wake up and have a clear path about how I need to proceed.  Other days I find that I am at the whim of the emotional turmoil surrounding my life and could be headed in any direction.  It may seem like there are multiple options in that last part, but it is really about feeling in control or feeling completely out of control.  Lately I want to follow my heart and try to reach out to someone, try to find some common ground.  Other days I remind myself that the other person has to pick up the phone, return an email; things that just aren’t going to happen.

A little Jekyll and Hyde rolling around, the battle of depression sometimes winning and at other times my hard headed heart wants to take me back to a safer time.  A safer place where my world had some meaning, a purpose.