Right Now I’m Still Using It.


It’s a weird thing to be asked to donate.  There is a sticker on my driver’s license and paperwork signed multiple times from different hospital stays that back up my request.  But to be sitting in a chair with the very nervous graduate student who was asking, I almost wanted to have some fun with it before agreeing for the millionth time.

My brain will be going to Boston University and their continuing research into traumatic brain injuries.  All of those seizures that occurred last summer are documented.  We know when they started and how long they continued.  Add in my medical records from the two other times in my life when we know my head was smacked during baseball or a car accident, established baseline.

Seeing the Commissioner of Football get on television and talk about how they are hurt because the government didn’t ask their permission to publish results ticks me off.  I get that people should be treated like adults in their choices.  Some might see it as the only way to improve their financial status, others just love the game too much to quit.  Let’s ignore the politics and just acknowledge that getting your head bent around  is going to have lasting effects.

It reminds me of when my grandmother just blindly followed the instructions of her doctor without a single question.  Some might have been age, some that she was a nurse and accustomed to such behavior; I never got it.  I ask question all the time.  Look the stuff up so I ask the right questions for me.  There are things I don’t ask, the answers aren’t important.  Other questions need some direction.

I respect everyone’s choice about what they want to do when they shuffle off this planet.  Religion, politics, just personal choice defines plenty of our world.  There’s a grain of truth to everything we do, regardless of the motivation.

They tell me there is a part of my brain that formed a little differently and the result was my ability to remember everything I see, read, hear.  Not like those people who can pull up a date and tell you the weather, these have to be my experiences in order for this to work.  But if you tell me your story, it becomes part of mine.

These new people in my life have been adjusting to that habit.  One is fascinated, the other worries about how those memories continue to haunt me.  Adults versus teenagers vantage points.  It also is what has caused the friction with other adults, looking for a pattern to emerge that just might not ever occur.  In one case knowing that their own past is something I have internalized to the point where I want the person responsible for their pain to suffer in ways that would get me jailed.

Science is irrefutable to a degree.  There may come a time when research adds to previous theory.  The world is not flat?  At one time the leading people all thought it was, but they also thought we were the center of everything and the sun revolved around us!

Hopefully something about me will lead a person to not have to suffer the type of pain I go through with the cancer.  That has been my hope.  Maybe one other person might go onto live because I let a bunch of researchers play around in my head in a way they can’t right now.  I am still using it!  But thank you for asking again for permission.

That’s the goal, one person having a different outcome.  Give them a chance to do anything.  It’s that simple.


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