The Best

Generation

Never in my dreams did I deserve to ever see a vision quite like her.  Then unexpectedly, I’m taken by surprise, an Angel just appeared before my eyes.

Happy Birthday Abigail,

There’s cake!  I know you don’t have the same craving as your dad.  But the pink and yellow balloons are everything you would want.  A couple of roses around the edges that I couldn’t even begin to reproduce without it looking like a big mound of icing.

We’ve lowered the lights so the candles cast huge shadows against the walls.  Sure the flashes from the camera might blind us all, what can you expect from family!  One generation marveling at the next as another year is placed into the memory book.

Too many balloons float on the ceiling.  Disney characters from various movies you have stared at with wide open eyes.  Songs sung too many times that they still echo in my ears years later.

We went crazy with the gifts again.  Maybe next year we can be more practical, but we won’t.

I’m lucky beyond words.  And I will love you forever.

_____

I wish that was how the day tomorrow would go.  But something obvious will be missing, the guest of honor.

It’s not even that she is missing, maybe just missed?  She will always be just a few inches below where my shoulders begin.  Somewhere just to the left of center, where the muscle keeps pumping blood that gets faster and faster when I recall the first time I saw her.  More than words, more than feelings, just something that takes over and reminds me that the best thing I ever did will always be within my thoughts.  Just slightly out of reach at this time.

There’s no way to outrun these emotions.  They don’t stop me the way they did that first year.  But they do need to have their place.  Turning this negative into a positive is harder than you might think.  You can skip holidays like Christmas.  Ignore Father’s Day.  But since we celebrate the turning of a calendar of a specific person, you can’t just pretend.

That dishonors the person and it denies their place.

Abigail’s passing still makes my heavy heart bleed.  Her very existence changed me, it changed others, and in some very important ways it made me better.  A different purpose then has needed a different purpose today.  I still working on that.

Like this entry started, I waited a lifetime just to see her face.  And I would do just ab out anything to have just one more day.

Happy Birthday Abigail, the best ever….

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