Dust in the Wind

Inevitable

With just a couple of signatures, it was done.  Almost two decades of ownership are going to end with people walking through various rooms commenting on how they don’t like the color of the walls in the kitchen.  Or if the realtor is correct, someone is not going to like my choice of deep carpet for the floor of the family room over hard wood.  (Kids people, they like rolling around on carpet, not wood!!!)

Some of the appliances and some of the furniture are part of the offering.  No need to move things to storage.  Of course some things will be sold separately or just given outright to people I think could use them or at least appreciate the gesture.  The family heirlooms are mostly in the hands of the people who respect the history.  Oddly my niece turned down the car offer, but that is for different reasons.

In the next couple of days I will celebrate my next birthday and most likely my last.  I’m at peace with that knowledge.  There’s some anger about it, my bucket list had a few things that were age dependent which had to be cancelled.  It’s the inevitable fact that life has a cycle.  My brain hopes to come back as part of some tree.  (big fan of science saying that matter cannot be destroyed, just rearranged into other things.)

My neighbors are upset with this knowledge.  We all bought at the same time and have lived next to each other for all these years.  Raised kids, saw one of them get married, even marvel at the fact we could all sit in a room together and still learn new things about one another.  It was dumb luck on my part, the cosmic dice certainly came up with a winning roll.

It’s hard accepting that things are ending.  There are times when I rail at the clouds and shake my fist questioning why I have seen as much death as I have.  I wanted to wait until I was well into my 70’s before ticking off friends, not be in my now mid-40’s and having them tick me off the list.

Years ago I knew someone who handled this with great dignity and we all learned later what a gift he left us.  None of us could recall him being angry or upset, just spoke like it was on his “honey-do” list.

I’m not that guy.

I’m also no trying to be him either.  Fortunately neither are the people around me expecting differently.  They like that I fight about dumb things as well as the meaningful things.

For now it’s important to concentrate on leaving behind something positive.  Last night I learned how to make a quilt.  Nothing fancy, took me some time to cut pieces and tie them together.  But at some point in the future a child will have something of their own to carry with them.  It felt good, maybe the next time I need a connection to my own child and maybe just to relive those positive feelings, I’ll make another one.

So if you know someone who looking for a house, I might be willing to make a decent deal.

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