French Toast Alerts

( YAWN )

My news feed on my tablet looks like the end of the world.  Pictures from people and news sources that show shelf after shelf devoid of food.  People panicking as if their neighbors are going to show up with a gun and rob them of a dozen eggs or a cup of milk.  Endless new cycles of people smiling while reading from a screen some horror stories concocted to justify their own salaries.  Maybe they own stock on one of the companies that produces bread?

It doesn’t matter if it is 12 inches of snow, two feet of snow, someone is currently writing new theme music to be played while a graphic meant to shock scrolls at the bottom of your screen while you jump from channel to channel hoping that maybe International Wheelchair Bowling will break up the silliness.  (sorry for the wheelchair reference, but you get the point.  Anything to stop their insanity!)

I get warning people.  That is the job of the news, but days on end of buildup?  Not helpful.  I’m currently streaming the local news from Washington, D.C. because someone in my office is standing in for me.  I don’t want them doing something stupid because I’m in Boston.  For some reason this had to be someone giving the talk face to face.  Over the internet wouldn’t do!

The French Toast Alert System was created by some person who saw the insanity of people running out, buying food and praying that the power stayed on to keep things cold.  Sure in the winter, this isn’t an issue.  Go stick some eggs in the snow and you’re good.  In the summer?  Well you just can’t find the right place to keep your 4 dozen eggs and 3 gallons of milk when the temperature is 90 degrees and the power goes out for 3 days straight.

This is my break to tell people that using vegetable oil rather than butter makes for better french toast.  It burns at a much higher temperature so you get that lovely browning effect rather than darken bread.  Challah bread is my preference, but to each their own.  And cinnamon raisin goes well with peanut oil, sort of a odd Peanut Butter flavor!

The weather on Sunday is supposedly going to be snow.  Most people in New England will be watching football at home anyway, so the roads should be less congested.  But if you can’t hunker down in your house for 36 hours without ending up like a updated version of The Shining chasing your family around with an ax, you might want to reconsider therapy.

Somewhere, somebody in Minnesota is laughing at you and saying “Only a foot?!!  So Schools will open an hour late!”

So let’s calm down, act like rational people and remember that somehow the species has continued despite radio or television.  People spoke rather than tweeted.  The good old standards of a book or board game might be better for you.

Plus, you can count of the news reporting in October about the slight uptick in the birthrate.  Maybe people find even better things to do?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s