When I was looking down at the floor, the first thought was about those popsicles my mom used to get my brother and I. Lines of blue, red, and orange inside of a box wrapped up in waxy paper. Just a jolt of sugar with some hint of food coloring that was supposed to remind you of fruit.
This night was about the line of teenage girls laying in a line watching the television as the ball dropped on another year. I happened to hear some of what they thought the next year would bring and it made me smile knowing that maybe one of those girls was going to get somewhere near their dream. Some of it was school stuff, maybe a boy they might hope would ask to some dance, and in one case a mention of a fear of her parents impending divorce.
As these kids have gotten more comfortable with me being around, and just as importantly their parents; I have been asked many questions about life in general and me specifically. At times I answer and other times I tell them this is a topic for their parents, not me. And for some of their parents, they’ve learned that some topics are best just left unanswered.
Making some promise about making some sweeping change never works. The entire fitness industry relies on people signing up for a years worth of services and only showing up periodically, if at all after that first month. In my mind, making small changes throughout the year get me further. The year I gave up soda of Lent ended with my coworkers buying cases of soda at the end because I was such a pain in the ass.
I can see the mistakes these kids are lining themselves up for. A simple word might change their direction, but not the lesson that needs to be learned. Nothing harmful, but I know some mistakes lead to better things.
This year is about letting go of the anger. The same thing as last year, only this year I have last year’s failures to guide me. Some people are just being cut out, no need to spend my time spun up over nothing. The hardest part is dealing with the internal anger, holding myself accountable for things beyond my control. On this I know I will fail, but I need to try anyway.
Yesterday’s prompt reminded me that there was a time when I counted on people. It even made me sit down and attempt to locate the very person I was talking about. No luck, but I think I should continue trying. It might be good for me on an emotional level to reconnect with a part of me that has remained silent and buried for too long.
So to get to the answer of our prompt, maybe I have resolved to let some people in? Maybe that’s why I went back to the very place where I can make that happen. There must be some reason why my mind had thought of these people lately, so waking down that path seems like a good idea.
I guess, that in the end, it might be time to tell these people how much they mean to me. And time keeps matching forward with other aspects so sooner is my option. Unfortunately the only option.
Time to get to work?