Keep on Walking

<a href=””>Everything Changes</a>

If I had know that things were going to change in the blink of an eye, I never would have opened my eyes.  Spending the rest of my days clinching them so tightly that no light ever could again enter would have been better than watching the world spin off it’s axis.

There have been plenty of times I can think of where picking up that note led to something fun.  Especially if that note had been passed down the chain of people only to be an invitation to the movies or some other activity.  Sure that shows my age, where a folded piece of paper was still the method of stupid teenagers!

I’ve never been a fan of lengthy missives written trying to explain my emotions.  They always seem to confuse the situation because it’s never easy to just speak your mind in words when you much rather just sit down and say something to another.

Having learned at a way too young age that there are times when a letter can’t be read, even a simple single sentence.  Sitting in a chair, holding the hand of someone who you kept praying heard your words as you spoke them over the constant hum of tubes and mechanical beeps; you learn how to communicate feelings at 15 you never expected to need to voice.  Did that jump in heart-rate mean she hears me?  What was she trying to tell me in reply?

In my experience, all 43 years of my existence, I can count on both hands the number of times I have picked up the phone and had a conversation that altered my universe.  Some where expected, others so out of the blue that I still have imagined conversations with a God that I alternately deny, yet still argue with over why.

I drive past the building whose parking lot I was sitting in the day I received that phone call about my daughter.  Every time, no matter what else is going on in my day, I get so choked up that I once or twice have needed to pull over from the wave of emotion.  It’s just a parking lot, yet it hits that emotional response I never knew I had.

There is no feeling stronger than the protective bubble we create around the people in our lives.  Children are so well insulated in our emotions that their every breathing moment has us wrapping them up in bubble-wrap in our minds as we watch them ride off on a bike or get behind the wheel, or maybe it’s something as simple as crossing the street for the first time to visit a friend from school.

When that moment hit, my life-altering note picked off the sidewalk, it left me with no place to handle those emotions.  My ex’s denial of everything connected to our daughter didn’t help me at a time when I found myself having to deny certain things as well to protect her.  Want to talk about unhealthy responses to negative stimuli?  Got lots to say on that topic!

There’s this silly theory in Physics that talks about the state of matter.  Quantum Mechanics and the notion that you don’t ever really know the state of matter.  Schrodinger’s Cat, is the cat in the box alive or dead?  Could be both, might be neither, but you can’t open that box to find out because doing so would alter not only the contents of the box [Heisenberg’s UnCertainty Principle], but your perception of the contents.

My advice, leave the note on the ground.  Keep walking that semi-straight line that you find yourself on and don’t worry about how a single piece of paper might change your perception.


One thought on “Keep on Walking

  1. Pingback: From: Me; To: Myself. | The Hempstead Man

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