Full Moon

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/ballerina-fireman-astronaut-movie-star/”>Ballerina Fireman Astronaut Movie Star</a>

Last week’s full moon had me recalling years ago when a group of friends was crashing at my parent’s house.  It was New Year’s Eve either in 1992 or 1993, I’d need to look at some historical data to figure out which.  But it was one of those lovely Blue Moons that just lit up the sky.

We’d grabbed some blankets and made out way up to the front yard where we could get a clear view of the night sky.  There were probably 15 of us total, dressed in sweats or something similar.  [We were playing board games and just enjoying the company, no formal wear required!]  Some were couples, others just a date for the evening, maybe one or two single people who hadn’t found that person yet?

One of the neighbor’s thought we got locked out of the house and offered their copy of the spare, only to learn we were sitting there with our coffee cups just talking in the cold night air.

My godson was about 3 months away from making his debut and that was a topic we all were concerned about.  Those friends being the first to marry and start their way to true adulthood.  If this really was 1993, I had just graduated from college that month and was looking forward to something different.  One guy was in a five year engineering program, so he still had some time to go.  Others were preparing for their own graduation that spring.

Our breath was floating in front of us as we spoke about the future.  All of us worried about things that we couldn’t control or just weren’t sure we could handle.  That false bravado of conquering the world was gone and we knew that each of us would be trying to make our own way and in some cases in places far from where we currently sat.

A couple of education majors, two engineers, an economist, various science fields and one who went on to finish college but decided that raising a family was going to be her goal.  [not a thing wrong with that, running a family requires all of those skills in short bursts for extended periods of time.]  We held onto one another tightly that evening.

I honestly don’t recall what the goal was when I was younger.  My parents had dragged me to so many engineering classes of their own while in Grad School that I knew that wasn’t what I wanted.  It was about the only thing I knew I didn’t ever want to become.  While I can argue Physics with my father as well as any of his classmates, I wanted something different.

Fortunately they understood since my grandfather never let my father forget that he disapproved of his becoming a Ph.D. [don’t ask, they weren’t the nicest of people to either of my parents or even one of their other daughters.  Strange when parents are supposed to want better only to resent the children who actually achieve that.]

The next New Year’s Eve wasn’t the same.  The couples had rearranged or just gone away and there was some resentment within the group on how to deal with those mixed emotions.  For all that we had spoken the previous year, we had resorted back to being 10 years old.  I had dinner with the godson and his parents then went to visit a friend where we just watched the ball drop on Time’s Square.  It wasn’t the same ever again…

There are few perfect moments in life.  Birth of a child, learning to ride a bike without the training wheels, that first kiss while standing in the rain, all great memories.  While last week’s full moon was referred to as the “Mourning Moon” and I have no interest in learning why, I don’t need to worry about the person I wanted to become.

I don’t think we ever truly become that person, no matter what path our life takes.  Bumps in the road, life-altering forks, and dead ends all change who will were from just yesterday.  The best that I think any of us can do is hold onto each other and do everything we can to make those changes easier.

So sorry no fireman or teacher, lawyer or doctor story to tell.  When I think about deciding the future, I tend to rely on that memory of a New Year’s Eve from long ago.

 

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One thought on “Full Moon

  1. Pingback: Not there yet, but almost. | The Hempstead Man

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