Second Draft – Screw my Bio

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ghostwriter.”

Yesterday I was inspired by another blogger to go back and write what was truly on my mind.

There was a time when I would sit in the back office of the bookstore I was running and listen to the stories of customers and their truly odd requests.

“I’m looking for the book with the blue cover, I think it had red lettering?  I don’t know the title, the author, but it was on that table over there when I was here last month!”

This led to an elderly gentleman who was working there as a way of not driving his wife insane, or maybe the other way around?  But having worked as an executive in his previous career, he posited that we should just over books in plain brown wrappers and let the customer guess if their’s was even something they would want to read.

Every election cycle we see the series of biographies hit the shelves.  The slew of people talking about how they overcame some hardship in their youth to be admitted to an Ivy League college.  In some cases they were classmates of their political rivals, maybe even having studied the very same subject matter.  More lawyers from Harvard saying that they know better than the lawyers from Yale, or Stanford.  We all know they didn’t write these, they had some ghostwriter sit down with them for a few hours, ask some personal questions, getting a feel for their subject and then rushing off to get their book to market.  Some of these ghostwriters assembling tomes for multiple people in an election cycle!

I’ve got shelves of books sitting in the library in my house.  They cover every subject in the world.  Thousands of dollars in textbooks, that damn CRC from college, a $500 purchase that sits on a bottom shelf.  The damn thing weighs a ton!  But why would anyone give a damn about my life?  Taken separately the episodes of my life are no different than any other person.  The last year may have been a little bit of a shitstorm.  How many people can lose a child, a relationship, and spend way too much time in the hospital hooked up to an I.V. in twelve months?  Ooh Cancer, how passe!  Well not too many.  But I guess I could get Wally Lamb to come up with some story line that makes it all the more dramatic.

Biographies are boring.  Sure I’m a fan of Joseph Ellis and his work Founding Brothers, but he had the good sense to not write some dry passages.  I spent enough time in history classes growing up, even electing to take a few during college to get rid of the requirements placed on me by the school.

I’ve played baseball, not professionally.  Hell, not even after high school.

Want to talk about how ashamed I am of the way fraternities are being portrayed?  Dumb ass kids posting dumb stuff because they think it’s funny!  I miss when I had to explain to my parents how one of my pledge brothers messed up his ankle while being used as a human bowling ball down a winding set of stairs/

The only original work I’ve written was my dissertation.  Anyone have a question about Trade Policy?  Well, I spent the ensuing years studying Game Theory, it’s more fun.  Using math to determine how you are going to make a decision.  Wish I had been able to use it to understand why Whitney left!!

So there you go, my bio.  There are details I’ve skipped, but if there aren’t that important.

And dear Lord, please do not hire James Patterson.  That guy puts his name on way too many pieces of crap for my liking.  Alex Cross was an interesting character, not he’s a step below superhero!


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