In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Set It To Rights.”
How do you make up from something that happened 2 decades ago between a group of people you haven’t seen in that same amount of time? For some of us, it has been just a lesson on how not to deal with a subject. For others it has affected the way we handle things since that point. Anger had its own 12-Steps, similar to addiction, but at times with a much worse outcome. For a week I have been trying to address this while it is on my mind, eating away at some sense of peace.
I’m not sure why it has become an issue at this point in my life. There was a suggestion that it has something to do with the obnoxious amount of time I have spent in the hospital. Trying to line up a few things so that they are just put right. I’m not sure they can ever be put right, but I need to at least make an effort to do so. So off to letter writing I have gone.
It was easy enough tracking down the real world addresses of people. I feel that email doesn’t quite give it the personal touch that some conversations require. But I get to the end of each draft and hit delete. At points I have written the same basic message two or three times in a single day. Each time changing some detail because I can’t quite figure out if this is for my benefit or their’s.
I don’t expect a reply. Having tried with someone in the past few months, I realize that at times the damage done by actions that got out of control is irreparable. The loss of that friend hurts as much as the reasons for the discord. Knowing that if not for involving her in a situation I couldn’t handle, couldn’t understand, it put her in a place where she couldn’t breathe. Eventually you just have to stop. Waiting for some sign, some acknowledgement of being a person hurts as well. I don’t blame her, frankly I care too much about her to allow myself to have any negative feelings towards her. But it also colors how I deal with this other situation.
The envelope is addressed, a stamp a-fixed to the upper right hand side. A leftover from the Christmas Holiday, but stamps are stamps and I rarely send out “snail mail”, so they will just have to do. Now all I need to do is get my hand away from the keyboard and use my hands and put pen to paper. Maybe this time I’ll get it down…