Lost My Resolve

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “To Be Resolved.”

I’m finding that the task I set for myself at the beginning of the year is the same one I am now finding so hard to resolve.  As I entered 2014 my main focus was preparing for the arrival of my daughter.  It meant changing everything about how I looked at things and how I did those very things.  Update the insurance companies so that she would be protected in her health and should something happen to mine.  Talk to work about wanting to take time off so that I could be a full-time Daddy, make arrangements to have someone in place to cover my responsibilities.  And most importantly make sure to protect her mother from anything that could possibly hurt her, even when that was me.

I had most of the work things in order by the end of January.  It doesn’t take a lot of effort to make people aware that you are having a child.  they are always more than willing to help, even when they realize that in the short term it will mean something is going to change in their workplace life.  Insurance, yep just as easy.  Protecting Whitney was the challenge I never was able to live up to.

I wanted so badly to resolve things with her family, but she wanted me to wait.  Then we lost the baby.  All of those things that were so easy to put into place became a chore.  Eventually they sat on the sidelines while I continued to do everything I could to protect Whitney.  It was the only thing left for me to do.

I didn’t do it very well.

Now as the year is ending, I’m trying to resolve not having any of the things I cherished at the beginning of the year.  I’m still trying to protect Whitney from a distance from the things that I know could hurt her.  Who knows how that is going from her perspective?  But it is the one resolution that I can keep until the end of the year.

My resolution moving forward – Find a way to let her go from my heart…

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6 thoughts on “Lost My Resolve

  1. Pingback: Echoes through an Empty Church | Murder & missadventure
  2. Pingback: Yesterday, I Was Broken | Ramisa the Authoress

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