It’s not been about the amount of material I have posted that has made this a partial success for me, but the fact that I continue to notice that I look forward to writing them. Sure some topics have made me very uncomfortable, while others have let my fingers fly across the keys. There are days when I just can’t write, the emotions of everything surrounding me to painful to put down for the public, yet they get written and stored in some other fashion.
I’m finding that just like this blog, I’m a work in progress. It’s a rare day that I look at the “Stats” tab since to me it would feel like Sally Fields proclaiming “You like me, you really like me!” But it brings a smile to my face when I see some message that an individual likes something I wrote. Comments continue to amaze me.
Some of the things I know I want to continue to write about:
The pain of having lost my daughter. Getting that out helps me get through everything. I can’t hide from it, so sharing it in some constructive manner is best. She would have been the best part of my future, since she is the best part of my dreams.
Dealing with the absolute confusion and dispair I feel about a relationship, that I value maybe a little too much, since its dissolution back in September. That longing for her presence, trying to cope with her absence, learning to live each day.
And what might become an intertwined topic of these medical concerns that kept me from writing part of October. Sitting in a hospital bed, unable to communicate even with the person in the room. And yes people, I could hear parts of what people were saying! Those 3 days marked the longest I had gone without uttering anything since I was a infant. The couple of days that followed even harder. [great now I have a topic to write about later!]
For me it hasn’t been about a string of postings or some grind to find additional “followers”, the achievement that I have awarded myself is knowing that I’m trying. Trying to reach out and pour out my heart. It’s a humble experience, one unlike any other in my life. And like my title says, a work in progress.