“The agony of Defeat”
I grew up hearing that phrase uttered every Saturday afternoon right before they showed highlights of sporting events from around the globe. A guy tumbling down a ski slope, gymnasts stumbling off of a balance beam, or some horse race where the jockey ended up ten feet away from his mount. These were always followed by people cheering the successes of those who had not stumbled, not fallen, not gotten right back up to finish their event.
In the midst of watching my relationship go from wonderful to painful I am reminded of the number of times we fell down and got back up. It wasn’t easy, there were no simple solutions some times; but when we worked together as a team we succeeded in spectacular fashion. Which makes this parting that much more disappointing for me. When we talked about what was going on things worked. It was the silence that made it worse. Makes me think about Ghost Chilies, they will burn you if you’re not careful in how you handle them. Careful attention paid to where you put them, making sure to wash your hands before using any other food. A dear Lord don’t touch your face, the pain will get you.
Marriages are seen by too many people as throwaway objects. Something that you can just get annulled or end some legal contract with the other over a conference room table. There are those who fight tooth and nail to save what they have. Therapy, time, understanding, these are all hard things. Hard work is what makes success smell so sweet. Life isn’t just a collection of good times strung together. Life is about finding ways to survive the truly bad times and come out of them knowing that you did everything you could to help, support, love another person.
I’ve been told that success will be measured in how well I come out of this. The chorus of Destiny’s Child “I’m a Survivor” following me as I maintain a smile, while dragging my feet behind. “The best revenge is success”? What does that really mean? Proving to yourself that you can do all of the things you didn’t believe because your relationship was holding you back. I believe that every person has the ability to achieve great things. It may not be world paradigm changes, but they will make their mark on the world in some way. Add to the common good.
For my part, I am happy that I get to work, tutor a kid after school who wouldn’t get the chance to be exposed to someone with my skills, and get home at the end of the day in one piece. To me, at this time, that is success.
I don’t want my ex hurting in any way, I don’t want to rub it in her face later, that feeling truly is about revenge. The best thing for me is knowing that she succeeds as well. Learns that she truly is capable of anything, everything. To me that would be the success.